It's the worst feeling in the world to
love & hate someone all at the same time.
and it's hard to watch things change
when all you want is for them to stay the same.
it's funny but stupid how you want everything
& nothing at the same time.
it's crazy when you want to let go,
but you keep holding on,
& when you want to move on
but you're stuck right where you started.
when feelings come and go
& you can't decide what you want.
when you have so many things to say
but you don't know where to start.



it's so hard to think back to how things used to be
& look at it now and realize that things are different
& they may never be the same.
you tell yourself it's not worth it,
but if it really didn't matter,
you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Ummm.
Lets try to write a journal.
Okay.
It can't be that hard.

Things are more or less okay, some new things which I can't get used to, no new works because, seriously, my cam took off on holidays with my imagination, and they both forgot to tell me.
I feel lonely, though I know I have my Nik, my Nak, and used to have my Tid, which I don't anymore (first paragraph). But yes, lonely.
I honestly feel like sleeping through the rest of my life, because I have no goals, and I see no point in the stuff I do, or stuff people tell me to do.
That's pretty much it.


See? That wasn't so hard.
Except for the hours it took me to write this.